Reply to If you grew up with an angry parent...

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "If you grew up with an angry parent..."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It was terrible, and I still have a hard time not believing that I’m responsible for others’ behavior. Plus I think I have kind of perpetuated the cycle. DH says he feels like there is a lot he can’t say because he doesn’t know how I will react to it; he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me.

But I have worked a lot on my anxiety and I am on meds, so I think it’s getting better. We have a good relationship and I’m a decent parent because he is patient with me and I have committed to be calm around my kids. I don’t yell but I do get irritated, and they feel like they are responsible for my irritation. I have tried to explain that they aren’t and have pointed out that my reactions depend on my mood, not their behavior, so hopefully that will sink in.

But I still feel like I have a better relationship with DH and my kids than a lot of posters here. I never yell and I cultivate emotional closeness with my family. I work hard on it, maybe in part because I know how awful it was living with my mom who yelled and just seemed too caught up in her own emotions to be there as a good parent.

Also I would consider divorcing your husband, honestly. I know that it’s soooo complicated and I don’t know what the right decision is or what your circumstances are, but his behavior is emotionally abusive to your kids. My parents divorced and the time spent with my dad was a good respite from my mom. And he was careful not to say anything bad about her, so it was easy to still love her despite everything. [/quote]

But if divorce, the child is then alone with the angry parent and without all the grown-up skills to protect themselves.[/quote]
How old is the child? Maybe you said it already. At some point, the child can refuse to be alone with the other parent. Also, what you don't seemed to  realize is that the other parent treating you badly, is what hurts the child the most. I didn't mind my father treating me badly, but seeing him treat my mother, killed me inside. I also hate my mother letting me see and letting him treat her because that's what was so hurtful about the situation.
I get jumpy not about somebody treating me badly (I can handle it), but seeing somebody treat somebody else badly. and even worse, if there is a child seeing t. I was that child. 
There was a couple fighting in doctor's office about somebody texting to somebody else- like physically fighting.  They had a child with them  and I suddenly started crying because I recognized that I was that child once who had to witness all of this for over 10 years. My mother wouldn't move out and my father wouldn't leave us. I asked them over and over again not to live together, and I wished I was a grownup who can simply walk away.
I'd be mad ta your for staying and putting me into this position. If you leave, the child at least has 50% time she/he doesn't have to see the outbreaks and hopefully close to 100% of time she/he doesn't have to see you being treated like crap which is the worse of the two.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics