Reply to Dating A Man With Kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 804, op.

If all this is true (and it could be) your guy needs to adopt the child… now. He is currently in a relationship which offers him as well as the child absolutely no legal protection.  He is really no different then the sweet lady at the pound who feeds the cats, a real nice person, doing a good thing, but nothing more. Also, the psychology of being able to say and mean it when you do “this is my son” or “this is my dad” is huge.

Finally, as only a custodial parent, I’d be worried the kid’s mom would show up and try to adopt the kid, remember both men and women can adopt.  If your boyfriend is the legal father, he is vastly more protected then he would be as the custodial parent.

As of now, I’d not date this man.  Too much has gone on, and while it’s all possible, it isn’t at all probable.  His best friend just happened to get a casual girlfriend pregnant, the casual girlfriend just happened to sign away her parental rights, the friend just happened to die, and the grandparents just happened to leverage their beloved son’s best friend yet won’t discuss this friend adopting the child?  It doesn’t set well with me.

I’d be worried there is something dark with this friend.  Have you mentioned this?  If so, how did your boyfriend react?  If he snapped at you or made excuses, he isn’t a nice person.  Being nice is how you treat the person right in front of you not what you tell the person in front of you all about your good deeds.

If I were you, I’d move on.  I might say “call me when you’ve adopted this child” the way a lady might tell a married man “call me when your are officially divorced” but I’d not date someone who is “helping” a family, and not even his family at that. This family has put both him and their grandson in a terrible position, for no good reason, and in a position that could be fixed within a matter of weeks.  [/quote]

Other than the part about digging a little deeper to verify the story I disagree with almost all of this post.  It's not his kid, there's no reason he should take full responsibility by adopting the child while the grandparents are still able to care for him.  It's certainly possible to want to honor the friendship and wait to commit ones self until it is needed.

I agree with the other posts that you need to think about whether this is the life you are interested in.  [/quote]

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