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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up with an angry parent and an enabling parent and the combination of toxic role modeling screwed up my head so badly that I have struggled in relationships my entire adulthood. Very high achieving, professionally accomplished until the toxic perfectionism, workaholism and intimacy issues manifested into serious chronic illness.

If you’re not already familiar with the ACE score, I’d suggest you read up on it and then do as brutally honest an assessment as possible about what your children’s scores might be considering the behavior they’re being exposed to. After decades working with people in toxic home environments and having endured one in my own childhood, I can attest that very few emerge psychologically unscathed. My mother’s failure to protect us is something I resent even more than my father’s emotional abuse, but I’ve seen in my advocacy work that her willingness to turn a blind eye to the damage being done to her children is sadly common. The mother who has the courage to endure whatever hardship arises in order to get her children into a healthy environment is a hero in my book.

Please demand that your husband get help, and family therapy too when safe. Your kids need to know this isn’t their fault.[/quote]

I should add that I’ve never married or had my own children, something which is a huge source of grief in my life. Many of the folks I know in the same boat (unmarried, childless) are there because the horror show of domestic relations in their childhood left them terrified to take the risk. Toxic marriages cripple many children for life, no question about it.[/quote]

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