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[quote=Anonymous]This is weird, op. 
I don’t understand why a single man would spend so much time with a toddler that isn’t his and that he has no legal relationship with.

Put another way, if he likes this kid so much, adopt him or become a legal guardian.

This will protect both him and the child.  It will make it far easier to get medical care, especially if the care is not an emergency.

It will be easier for him to enroll him in activities that he might enjoy, and to get educational services the child may need, even something as simple as extra reading help in school.

Many men have adopted or obtained legal guardianship of children that are not biologically theirs.  It used to be very very common, my great-grandfather was a lawyer who did just this sort of work.

What is strange is for a man to spend so much regular time, even taking a child into their home without a legally defined relationship.  I wouldn’t date someone who did this.

I wouldn’t want the drama associated with doing all the work of caring for a child, having very good visibility into what that child liked, didn’t like, cared about, didn’t care about, needed, didn’t need, only to have a parent tell me I was doing it wrong.  I wouldn’t want to bond with a child only to have the parent tell me I could no longer see the child.  I wouldn’t want my plans messed up when the kid got sick.  I wouldn’t want to be accused of neglect or abuse by the parent.  I also wouldn’t want to deal with whatever issues made the parent not have the child in their life the way most parents do.  It’d be too much for me, not when all these issues can go away with a legally defined relationship.

There is also the possibility that this man is lying to you.  If you like him, (and I don’t know why you do), I’d swing by his house with some cookies and see what’s going on.

Toddlers are a lot of work. They are in between baby and big kid.  My son plays like a little boy in that he has trucks and cars and knows exactly what he wants to play with.  He does complex things with his toys that are really creative.  He eats the same food we do, he asked me if we could make pizza dough again in our bread maker. On the other hand, he still drinks bottles, formula no less, and wears diapers. He still sleeps in a crib and has a car seat.

Why anybody who isn’t legally related to him would want to have all his stuff at their house or have duplicates of all his stuff is beyond me.

Also, toddlers are routine freaks.  It can’t be good for the child to have two weekends and one week a month with this man who will do things differently then whoever else he’s with the rest of the time.

Finally, if he comes back with “I just like to help people” know that I wouldn’t want to date someone who is so involved with another family.  I want to be my guy’s prime person.  Note, once this family realizes his help may go away, be prepared for them not to like you and to do everything they can to ruin your relationship.  There are many people who want to keep a friend or two single so they have free labor.   [/quote]

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