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[quote=Anonymous]I recently lost my 10 year old, not due to covid, but during covid.

Unless she specifically says that she wants you to go, please don't.  One of the things about losing your child is that it makes you so anxious about another loss.  I have always been a parent who let my kids take age appropriate risks, but after my son died, I couldn't.  I'd sit in the backyard to watch my 13 year old shoot hoops, because having him out of eyeshot was too much.  I could not watch my other child, an experienced baker, take cookies out of the oven, it was just too scary.  When I've talked to other parents who have lost a child, many of them told me they did the same thing.

At the same time, I second guess every decision I make.  I no longer have confidence in my ability to make even day to day decisions, and so I end up getting bogged down on the simplest decisions. If you called me and said you were going to visit, I'd probably feel frozen and overwhelmed.  I might not tell you no, but when you arrived, I'd panic about covid in my house.  I'd probably feel the need to quarantine for a couple weeks afterwards, separating my other kids from their grandparents at a point when they desperately need that security.

So, email her or call her and say "I want you to know that if it wasn't covid, I'd be on a plane to see you.  If you want me to come despite covid, all you need to do is decide when and tell me.  Otherwise, please know that I'm sending my love from here."  Make not coming the default unless she specifically asks.

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