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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like maybe both of you have anxiety and it’s feeding off of each other. One thing that helps my anxious kid before he got out of control is to grab him and give him a tight, tight hug. He craved connection but would engage in irritating behaviors unless physically stopped.

One of my kids used to make this high-pitched squealing sound that got into my head and drove me crazy, so I get that part.

Maybe some pep classes or books re parenting challenging kids?[/quote]

This is OP. Yes, we both have anxiety. And sensory issues. My little apple didn’t fall far from the tree on those things. I have taken a bunch of parenting classes and read a bunch of books, so I mostly know what I *should* do but the problem is that I’m as disregulated as she is in that moment when I yell. Janet Lansbury and others would say that it’s important for the adult to be emotionally regulated because the child isn’t. Ok. I believe that. But if I’m not, then how should I get there? I think most experts would say I should build in more “me” time and get more breaks because that’s probably the source of my disregulation, but covid. She’s in daycare but the hours are shortened and I use every second she’s in care for work, plus I work while she’s sleeping and sometimes while she’s watching tv just to get to full time hours.

The PP’s suggestion about mediation is a great one. That feels impossible but I should do it.[/quote]

I think that a really limitation of parenting people like JL is that they won't acknowledge that some of us (adults and kids) are just more tightly wound than others. [/quote]

This is OP. I agree! So much of what Janet Lansbury suggests is or would be a disaster for my child. She says to tell the child what you want/expect/are asking them to do and then, if they don’t do it, “help” them do it by physically moving their body. [b]Like ask DD to pick up toys and then take her hand and physically make her pick up the toys[/b]. DD would then have a 3 hour, hysterical fit if I did that. I like a lot of the principles about respecting the child, but a lot of what’s in Lansbury doesn’t work for my child (who admittedly isn’t neurotypical).[/quote]

That advice is for 18 month old children.  And I think it is very sensible.

But for older children (5 or 8 or older), that time has passed.  [/quote]

This is OP. We don’t need to sort this out in this thread, but that advice has never worked for my child. I read Lansbury when she was a young toddler, and forcing her to do things sparked long, dramatic meltdowns back then as well. Some parenting methods work for some parents and kids and other parenting methods work better for other parents and kids. [/quote]

PP here.  Of course JL won't work for everybody.  There have been plenty of posters over the years who don't like her, for various reasons.  Her key advice about parents providing the emotional regulation to dysregulated children is important and, often enough, the hardest part.

As for "making" a toddler put a toy away or, more relevantly, "preventing" a toddler from hitting or throwing a toy, it's not about forcing a child to do something, it was about showing them the proper behavior in language they can understand.  For preverbal children, guiding their hand and stopping them from hitting is speaking their language, not forcing them to behave properly.

My kids are older and I have a lot of sympathy about the yelling child.  I myself have hearing loss and don't always wear my hearing aids at home, it just makes everything more pleasant.  If only I could convince DH to wear noise-reducing earphones...[/quote]

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