Reply to Bar/Bat Mitzvah etiquette

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
 
I agree. I expect our kids' [b]closest friends[/b] to attend services but most of their friends will just attend the party.  I see the services as a family/close friends event and the party more of a free for all.  [/quote]

This is an important distinction.  I expect my kid's close friends would attend the service, but I think its fine if casual acquaintances or those kids who know my kid through mutual activities, school, synagogue, but who are not good friends come to the party alone.  We make these same distinctions as adults.  When a close friend holds an event, we go.  When a casual work friend has an event, we might go to part of it or make an appearance to be nice.  Depending on the relationship or the circumstances, different levels of participation are acceptable. [/quote]

Yes, but I know in no case, in the adult world, where it's acceptable to skip the main part of an event and just go to the fun part.  I brought up weddings before, and I'll bring it up again. If I don't know someone very well, sure, I may attend the ceremony and skip the reception. Or, I may not attend. But, unless there is a conflict, it's really, really rude to skip the actual serious ceremony (for no better reason than, ugh, boring) and go to the party.

If you want to throw your kid a big birthday party, great. But, in most cases, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is something completely different. A kid will spend years studying and preparing. They will make sacrifices and not get to do other afterschool or weekend activites. Often they will do a long term service project. And for people to blow off the ceremony because it's boring, or they don't know the kid very well /and/ then to go and celebrate at the part thats fun for them as a guest.... Sorry, I call it like I see it, extremely rude, and a really awful lesson to your kids if you allow them to do so.[/quote]

As a Jewish parent of three boys-I fully understand the process.  However, many, non-Jews especially don't and I don't expect them to.  We would welcome all of our kids' friends to the service but no way am I expecting them all to come nor will I judge them for only coming to the party.  We are celebrating an important milestone and I see the service more as a family event.  The entire school doesn't need to be there, hopefully their best friends will and that's what counts.  I am not going to spend the day keeping tally of who attended what because I don't care.  [/quote]

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