Reply to I grieved end of marriage, now he wants to work on it

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Reply to "I grieved end of marriage, now he wants to work on it"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been there.  In my case, my husband had been in a prolonged clinical depression.  He'd cycled with depression the entire time we'd been together (10 years) but this was the first time he refused efforts to address his depression, refused any attempt I made to help, refused joint counseling which had helped immensely in the past, and our home environment was no longer healthy for me or the kids.  In fact, I 'caught' his depression, started taking an SSRI (wish I'd done that sooner) and was in individual counseling.

After 2 years, I finally realized it wasn't going to get any better and I needed to move on.  I informed him I was seeking a divorce.  And, of course, once he saw I was serious (don't know why he would think I wouldn't since I never threatened), he started getting his shit together.  But, I was done.  I had gotten to the point where I had accepted the marriage was over.  I was ready to move on.  Circumstances kept us in the same home for another 1.5 years and I had first hand knowledge that he was, in fact, was making the changes he needed to make.

We ended up NOT getting a divorce but our marriage hasn't been the same - and it's been 10 years since then.  I'd say our marriage is good and I have no regrets that I stayed.  There's a lot of love and there's no one I'd rather spend time with.  But, I don't have the confidence I once had in it.  I don't trust that things won't get bad again and I know that I can't endure another prolonged, untreated depressive state.  I still have some resentment at his callousness (yes, I recognize he was depressed but that does not excuse his behavior nor does it mean that I wasn't grievously impacted by it).  Our relationship is now like a mirror with a crack in the corner - no need to replace it but all it takes is one wrong tap and it will shatter.

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