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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't been there, but I know two people who have, and while what they did and how it ended up are both really different, their advice to others on what to do is exactly the same, which I think says something: They both say, in the immediate aftermath, kick him out. He's gotta go live somewhere else for a while, while you figure it all out, both logistically and emotionally.

In both cases, the affair was similar to what you're describing - ongoing, serious, real emotions, although I don't thing like for a super long time.

One woman kicked her husband out. They were separated for a while (at least a year, I think). The kids were fairly small, but old enough that they definitely remember the time when dad lived in the apartment. Did therapy, etc, and got back together. That was, oh, probably 20 years ago, and they're still together and happy. She thinks that asking him to leave made him immediately live with consequences, gave her space to process, and showed them both that life was better together - a great foundation for moving forward.

The other woman did NOT kick her husband out. They tried to work it out, he was very apologetic, regretful, tried to fix up the marriage. It didn't last - couple years later he was caught in an affair, and they divorced. She thinks that if she had kicked him out the first time, she would have seen that the marriage was broken and wasn't going to work - that some distance would have helped her.

So, again, I've never been there - but because of those two pieces of advice, that's what I would do, at least in the short term. [/quote]

This. Some type of separation, formal or not, with counseling seems like an idea you should consider. First, it allows you time to think and experience your emotions without him. Second, it shows him how serious you are about the betrayal. Third, if it sends him back to the AP, you will have your answer. [/quote]

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