Reply to Some concerns about wedding, house and kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How will you pay for a wedding and honeymoon with no income or savings? [/quote]

Well it sounds like her boyfriend has money.  Maybe there is money in their families too.

1.  If you want to get married, get married.  have a small reception now and when Covid is more in control, you can have a big reception in your country of origin.  Don't worry about a honeymoon right now.  These things dont' matter in the grand scheme of getting married and really should not be weighing in on your decision to get married.

2.  Yes you want your name on the deed.

[b]3.  It really doesn't matter what your parents or his parents want.  If you both want kids right away, start trying right away.  If you want to enjoy married life or get  your finances in order first, do that.  You two should be the only ones deciding when the right time to start trying is.  
[/b]
I say this nicely OP, but you need to become more independent before you get married or have kids.  Your entire thinking process if very juvenile and you seem to be very dependent on what others think. [/quote]

Wrong. I say this from the perspective of someone who deals with heavily traditional immigrant families (and OP clearly is living at home at 35) - the parents wishes matter a lot. If they aren't taken into consideration her life will be hell - from her own parents or her in-laws.

If she takes them into consideration in this choice, she could easily make her life far easier. It sounds like they like the boyfriend/fiance already so the hard part is over. Once they are on board for a low-cost wedding or civil ceremony - immigrant parents will often pay for the new family's start on life. House, baby daycare, or a car etc.

Don't give advice if you don't know the backstory.[/quote]

This is wrong.  Her parents likely got married back in their home country where cultural influence and doing what is socially/religiously acceptable matters A LOT.  It can ruin a person if they stray, especially a woman.

But not here.  The whole village/neighborhood isn't going to shun her if she has a baby isn't married.  Her neighbors don't care.  Her employer doesn't care.  Her best friend won't care.  The repercussions of what will happen HERE if you don't do what your parents want are all in your head OP.  No one else will side with her parents' misogynistic views.  Live how you would want to raise your kids OP.[/quote]

No, she’s 34 and still lives with her parents. Her entire social circle probably consists of her parents and other people from her culture who still observe traditional norms. They absolutely will shun her if strays from tradition. Even her boyfriend might not be on board bc he is from the same culture. That being said, I’m very curious what culture she’s from where having zero education at 34 is acceptable. [/quote]

This.  No education and single at 34, yet expecting to marry a man wealthy enough to provide two receptions, honeymoon, and house?  Something's not fitting together.  [/quote]

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