Reply to What to do when I don’t want to be around MIL/SIL anymore?

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[quote=Anonymous]I've done what 09:49 did.  I totally get the micro-aggressions.  And, I understand that people who have no experience with it don't get it and dismiss it.  I feel OP's frustration with the situation and her DH.  It sucks. For me, I decided I no longer wanted to live with simmering resentment that would occasionally boil over.  I chose to disengage and no longer invest any time/energy in people who treated me so poorly.  I wouldn't tolerate that behavior in 'friends', why would I tolerate it in 'family'.

Like 9:49, I stopped attending any family events, routed all communications to DH, did not purchase any gifts (although set up calendar reminders for DH for birthdays/anniversaries) and allowed him to take the kids if he went to visit his family (who are all local).  Like 9:49, my kids learned that side of family did not treat people well and when they hit 9th grade, DH stopped making them go with him - even though that cuts into 'me time', I think they're old enough to decide.

As DH's side of the family has gotten older, DH pushed for me to try again - and I've attended a few events.  But, inevitably, good behavior doesn't last long so I don't bother any more.  It is so very freeing not to have to deal with it any more.  Maintaining a positive, civil demeanor while interacting with them required huge amounts of energy and the resentment that I felt towards DH in not having my back on this did our relationship no good.  It wasn't until after DH's parents were dead for a few years that he finally acknowledged that things weren't good for me and he apologized.  Meh.  I think he knew deep down, even back then, that it wasn't right but I don't dwell on it.  Relationships are package deals and we came to an acceptable accommodation on this issue that it didn't break our relationship.  YMMV.[/quote]

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