Reply to How do you deal with seeing people who hurt you out in the world?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you to everyone who replied. I think after reading your suggestions that I need to work harder not to notice her.

I think when I see her, I am almost drawn to her. I don't ever approach her, and never would, but I sometimes feel this deer in the headlights feeling, like I am paralyzed by the sight of her and my body doesn't know what to do. I think part of me still just feels confused. I don't understand why this happened, what made this woman behave this way, or why people believed it. When I found out what was being said, my first reaction was to laugh because it seemed so ridiculous to me. It was only later that I realized many people were now wondering if it was true.

But I'm never going to understand. That's it. It will never make sense. It's not like a movie where there will be a reveal 2/3 of the way through that will explain why this all happened and there will be some kind of resolution and forward momentum. I'm never going to get closure. That's why I notice her -- because I want answers and resolution. And I will never get it.

I've never had to accept something quite like this before, something just fundamentally unfair but also weirdly, frustratingly, unchangeable. I know that means I've lived a privileged life.

I'm going to work on not noticing her. If I see her, I will force myself to turn my head as soon as I can. I don't want to notice what she is wearing or what she is doing. I don't want to notice her husband or her car or her house. I don't want to notice anything about her.

I'm just going to keep reminding myself: nothing to see here. She's not my friend. She's not my enemy. She has nothing to offer me. There is no reason to invest even a moment of my time on her. I am sure when I see her I can find something or someone more interesting to look at without trying particularly hard. So that's what I'm going to do.

Thanks again for sharing. It really helped me work through this. Wish me luck![/quote]

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