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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]First, op, I’d have as much fun with my husband and kids as possible. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant but it does have to be something you and husband want to do and something you and he can look forward to and something you guys can talk about.

If you can’t or won’t, or he can’t or won’t, I’d just leave now. No reason to live in the state you are in, though you should of course do everything possible to get the marriage back on course and then to maintain the course.

Date each other and treat each other well. Be affectionate and kind. 
Put each other first, ahead of the kids, friends, everything. 
Have sex or at a minimum be physically close in bed. Be physically close when you are home together.

If you are at all religious go to church and sit close together. I love doing that with my husband, though I’m not really into what I call church rules.

As for your husband, why does he want to move?  You may be right that he’s selfish, though, given the ages of the kids and your desire to stay in the neighborhood, I think he may be.

Talk to him about why he wants to move.  What is he hoping to gain or experience?

Know that if you divorce, you may not want the house.  Do you really want to be in the home where you guys had tender moments either as a couple or a family or both?  Do you want to notice something in the house, think “I’ll ask Jack to fix it” then realize that your husband has no obligation to fix anything in a home that he doesn’t own… even if his children do live there?

Can you aford the house, not just to buy him out, but the taxes and upkeep?  Even if you can, do you want to?

No matter what happens with the marriage, you and the kids need wholesome activities to do.  The person who mentioned that fun is the glue that holds you together is spot on.

As for the school district, why do you want to stay?

Does one or both of your kids have a disability?  Do you?

Not all school districts are created equal, if they were nobody would ever fight about it, you’d simply send the kids to school Ma Ingalls style.

Are you sure your desire to stay in the school districtt is really about the kids?  i.e. do you have your eye on a hot teacher, or are you convinced your kid will be the drum major if you just hang on long enough?

Know that not all neighborhoods in a school district are created equal.  There is a neighborhood close to us that every single person I have talked to says “That’s where the bad kids live”.  These are people who don’t know each other, yet they all say “If there’s a fight (the one neighborhood near us) started it”.

No way would I live in that neighborhood, I’ve been there.

If you move to stay in district make sure you live in a place that is right for your kids.

Finally, know that if you divorce, it’s unlikely your kids will hang onto all of their friends.  Some won’t want their kids around yours until “things settle down” and then your kid and theirs just drift apart.

Some won’t want their kids to hang out with yours because “we don’t associate with divorced families”.

You may get weird.  We know a mom who got divorced and told me that she was dating but didn’t want her daughter to know.  That’s real akward when that kid is over at my house and anything lovey-dovey comes up, things like “Yay, my sims got married” “We’re going to a wedding next week” “Did you listen to that podcast, the one where the couple broke up…”

I also had ethical issues with keeping a secret about a legal activity, healthy adults date and divorced people are free to date anybody they’d like.  I found that I resented being put in a position to lie or “cover” for an adult who was as far as I know behaving within the bounds of normal society.  I felt that my values weren’t being respected to the point that I no longer want that friend in my home… I especially didn’t want to be used as a free sitter so her mother can date, something I was to keep to myself.

The families you will be associating will have their boundaries and comfort levels just as you do.

Since you asked, I’d throw everything at rescuing the marriage.  Our society doesn’t talk about maintaining marriages, something that I think is wrong.  There are industries to support dating, there are wedding industries, and there are divorce industries, but there is very little for couples who want to stay or get back to a happy marriage.    [/quote]

Wtf?

Totally all over the place...[/quote]

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