Reply to How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?

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Reply to "How do you explain to a 17 year old they won’t be an adult at 18?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Funny, my son asked if he could do a "coed" sleepover when he was 18.

His friend said, you know he is an adult and he doesn't need to ask your permission. (I've know the kid since he was 5 so this was not flippant just his observation.)

I said, you know if he gets a girl pregnant or gets arrested, who is going to have to help financially... I'm not telling him if he can go or not go, it's his decision but he is consulting me to determine if it is a good decision or not.

The other kid clearly had a totalitarian parent where it was rules are either followed or not and lots of control issues going on in that family unit. If you go, we take your phone/car/etc. If you follow our rules we give you material things.

I said, we are discussing it and he is not fully independent until he can be financially independent too.  Over the next 10 years, you guys "as adults" will make good decision and bad ones and we are hear to love and support you during those learning and growing times. You may be smart and an adult but you are not wise, that comes with experiences. If I forbid all your experiences that I wisely know are not the best, it will hurt your own growth. So instead of thinking of me making rules, you can consult me when you don't know what is a good vs. a bad decision. I am here to love and support you. But you have to realize that you are taking my emotional and financial resources when you make mistakes and I appreciate you not act like I have endless funds (financially or emotionally).

You should make decision knowing the negative affects affect others and if you love them you don't want to negatively affect them. [/quote]

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