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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been married a long time. There has been bad years and happy years.  Once you partner up you start to realize that he is not perfect.  In fact many a times they are annoying and awkward...so the romantic goggles gets off your eyes very fast. Also, domesticity is not their suit so that becomes a point of contention.  Sometimes it seems that they do not know how to be an adult at home.

But what matters in the end  is that you pick a decent, good and moral human being who wants to be a husband and a dad. A person from an intact home is more prone to understand that things are not always rosy but divorce is not the answer.  And make sure that you do not tolerate in your marriage abuse/addiction/adultery.  He can be disappointing and not-very-appealing at times but pick a good human being.   Because your success in marriage will depend  on all those times when you need the spouse to be a good person. And this kind of person  (even if boring, physically unattractive, not a high earner, not the life of the party) will be the one who will do the right thing for you and the kids.

Then you have to find things that make you happy on your own that also does not involve abuse/addiction and adultery.   Kids are the super-glue of marriage.  Learn to distinguish between pleasure and happiness. Learn not to be bored of your own company.

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Settling may mean finding “your match” based on the partner qualities that are most important to you. Not every woman can marry an attractive, funny, caring, high-earning, family forward, good cook, good father, good personality, responsible, mature man. That “ideal”man is probably the top 1 percent and everyone woman would yearn for him. Unless you are a drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, witty, thoughtful, good cook, good homemaker while also having a career potential, well read, trust fund woman in the top 1% of woman, you won’t match up with the top 1% of men.

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