Reply to Considering a doula - first child, no judgement please

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[quote=Anonymous]I overestimated how helpful my husband would be during labor and delivery. He actually did okay, but I still needed more help/support and did not get what I needed from him. A big part of it was that he was totally scared and overwhelmed and that made him freeze up, even during decisions that we had discussed and game planned in advance. I do sometimes wish that I'd had a doula in the room who could have backed me up in those moments because my husband had a tendency to just immediately agree with whatever the authority figure in the room said even if it was bullshit. There were several questionable things that happened during my birth experience (i.e. the L&D nurse who all but forced me to get an epidural by saying "it's clear you cannot handle the pain", the fact that they were clearly understaffed on the day, which led to a different L&D nurse delivering my baby after telling me to "hold it" as the baby was coming -- my baby came very close to just landing on the floor as I gave birth).

I don't know if a virtual doula would have been helpful. Some of that stuff just happened too quick to get someone on the phone to discuss it. But on the other hand, maybe if I'd had a doula on speed dial, she would have been pushing for information or attention to certain things earlier in the process, and that might have made the actual birth less dramatic. And it didn't help that because I was on an epidural, I did not feel as clear-headed as I normally do.

If you have the money, I would at least interview doulas and ask how they would handle the virtual set up and what kind of support they could offer. Especially because you are worried about going into labor at a time when your doctor can't be there (that is what happened to me as well -- if I could have gone one more day, it would have been my OB there and I think a lot of things would have been different). It can't hurt. [/quote]

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