Reply to SAHM vs WOHM, why the strong feelings

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I agree. I stayed home with my DC after she was born because I was a late-in-life mom and knew it was my one chance to really embrace motherhood in that way. I slowly re-entered the workforce and now I'm almost full time again, in the same industry but a much better position (lots of flexibility, and higher pay than I was making pre-baby). I'm super happy with my choices and don't understand the divide. I have mad respect for SAHMs because I know how hard they work and how isolating it can be, especially when people act like your work is dull or has no value. And I have mad respect for WOHM because that balance is so tough and you know we are still doing more than our fair share at home on top of our jobs.

I think a lot of the animus is misplaced anger at a system that screws women over either way, and the mistaken belief that we can beat the system if we just make all the right choices. We can't. We have to break the system. It wasn't designed for us.[/quote]

Your last observation may be right, but you just congratulated yourself for making the “right choices.” [/quote]

No, I said I was happy with my choices because they were right for me. Huge difference. When I decided to stay home with my baby, at first I did feel judged by my friends, most of whom went back to work a lot sooner. Even some of my friends who took time off were surprised when I continued to stay home after the first year. But I had to take a step back and ask what I really wanted, and the truth was that I had realized this was probably my only baby and I wanted more time with her. And I was fortunate to be able to find a way to make that work financially. But that choice was 100% specific to my situation and personality. It wasn't a "right" choice. It was just mine.

I also was unhappy in my job when I had my baby and my extended time as a SAHM gave me a reset that helped me move in a better career direction. Again, that was so specific to my situation, and is not universal. I would never tell another mom "You should take 2.5 years off because that's what I did and it worked out great!" That's not how it works.

There are no right choices. You can only do your best with what you are given. I was fortunate in some ways (financially stable) and less fortunate in others (no time for more than one kid, very challenging pregnancy and postpartum period in part due to age and fertility issues). I did my best. That's all anyone can do.[/quote]

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