Reply to When marriage therapy brings out deep issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]It’s concerning that you think YOU need to change to help him trust you.

I’ve been down that path and there’s nothing you can do. You’ll just jump through more and more hoops. Trust is his choice.

I agree that people need to feel open with their feelings in relationships but if you’re just vomiting up insecurities with no basis in realty, you need individual therapy.[/quote]

Exactly. Your job is not to fix him. Your job is not to enable or be codependent. Your job is to understand what a healthy relationship is and do your part.

And frankly I think his dumping this on you is serious passive aggressive b.s. No one gets to sit on a resentment for a decade without dealing with it and then use it as an excuse or reason for behavior. [/quote]
I don't think he meant it passive-aggressively, I think his intention is to be as honest as possible. He recognizes that if that's what's really bothering him then there is no way we can continue unless he says it. To be fair I have resentment built up too, but I do feel I have brought up those issues over the years and so this feels more out of the blue. Clearly it's something he's thought about on and off for many years, so it feels very real to him and a linchpin issue, not some one-off thing.

At least, I'm trying to see that.[/quote]

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