Reply to When marriage therapy brings out deep issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“It’s concerning that you think YOU need to change to help him trust you.

I’ve been down that path and there’s nothing you can do. You’ll just jump through more and more hoops. Trust is his choice.

I agree that people need to feel open with their feelings in relationships but if you’re just vomiting up insecurities with no basis in realty, you need individual therapy.”

Exactly. Your job is not to fix him. Your job is not to enable or be codependent. Your job is to understand what a healthy relationship is and do your part.

And frankly I think his dumping this on you is serious passive aggressive b.s. No one gets to sit on a resentment for a decade without dealing with it and then use it as an excuse or reason for behavior. [/quote]

Unless OP has BPD and is a bully.  I've seen this with women sometimes.  The husband is a shell of himself and afraid to say anything---or has been shut down for years with her crazy, passive aggressive behavior.  The key: the BPD is never at fault.  There is always an excuse and somebody else is always to blame.[/quote]

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