Reply to Wondering about a second kid ... very conflicted

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a similar situation, but I'm much older than you. We had some secondary infertility and are trying to decide if we want to get assistance with conception or just stick with one.

I think one of the things persuading me to stick with one child (aside from concern about my age and fertility, which doesn't sound like an issue for you at this point), is that my sadness over not having another baby has dissipated a bit. I really wanted another one when my DC was 2, and then that increased as many of my friends who had their first around the same time I did got pregnant with a second. But now my DC is in pre-school and I feel myself letting go of the baby years a bit -- there are so many great things about kids this age and I am finally getting some independence, too. Plus my friends who have had second kids are really in the thick of now. I know they are happy with their choice, but I definitely don't envy them. The baby years are really different with another child in the house.

Anyway, thought I'd throw those thoughts into your process. I definitely understand those baby yearnings as your first grows up, but I do sometimes wonder how much of it is just hormonal and will fade. Everyone is different though.[/quote]

OP here. I’m so sorry that you dealt with secondary infertility, but I’m glad that you seem to be happy now.

I’m sort of in that same boat. Most of my friends are having their second. My 2 friends with one both have significant reasons (one is older and had multiple miscarriages and the other has Crohn’s). My friends who have two are really consumed by it and are understandably unable to do anything else. In contrast, I’m able to pursue hobbies (playing music with friends and writing songs just for my own enjoyment) while also balancing work and spending time with DD. I recognize that having another would make that impossible for at least another few years. So there are real trade-offs.

Like another PP said, I think both lives are enjoyable. I doubt I would regret having a second once I met my baby; the vast majority of people fall in love with their children and so couldn’t regret that the second one exists. But I could imagine myself regretting giving up the time to be able to do some things for myself while also being a present parent, spouse, and employee. [/quote]

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