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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Hopefully DHs now chronic stomach pain issues can be treated after his endoscopy in a few weeks. It’s not so much waiting for sex, it’s how he reacts when I express sadness that I miss intimacy. When I say that, he yells and tries to shut me down as I’m crazy for even thinking of it. If he said, “ I’m sorry baby, I miss it too.” I’d just hug him and move on.

I feel like he throws temper tantrums and emotionally abuses me and takes his frustrations out on me. [/quote]

I'm in a chronic illness/ caretaker relationship too. Physical intimacy goes in waves and there are periods of turbulent times that stretch on for far too long. I agree with you that feeling like you're in the situation together helps, but it's tough when one partner feels responsible. I think what you're hearing out loud is a lot of self-loathing, you just step on the trigger. What you wrote is the message that you want to share, but I understand you can't get to that part of the message when the reaction to you initiating the conversation is zero to 60. He probably doesn't understand you're trying to get to a point, and just see it as you continuing to bring up a painful/hurtful subject, so he feels defensive, like he got the message the first time. So, instead of trying to talk again, and triggering the same response try writing him a note. He can control when, and if he continues reading it, and it may be less triggering. If possible, lean more on missing him, and sharing the connection with him, than sentiments that stress abandonment. Thank him for taking care of his health (the fact he's getting the test/treatment is great) [/quote]

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