Reply to Fighting - who is in the wrong?

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[quote=Anonymous]First op, you and your husband need to get back to liking each other.  Then you need to sustain that.

Cancel the walk with friends, and hang out with your husband.  Obviously you’d bring the kids with you, but that’s fine, find a nice trail where they can run/walk ahead of you, go to a park, be physically close to your husband and hold hands.

My husband and I had an ice cream date yesterday where we discussed politics.We are from opposing parties so it wasn’t a bitch session about how bad the other party is.  He was so sweet and kind and remember we weren’t agreeing on our political views.

If you can’t do this i.e. “we don’t have a nice park” or “There’s nowhere the kids can run safely) or “There’s no where we can get ice cream) then that’s a large part of your need to get away.

Lack of wholesome entertainment can destroy a family.  You have two kids, so you need to figure out a way to have couple time that includes your kids, v. making the kids the sole focus of the family.

I am sympathetic to your situation as I am also a stay at home mom with kids in online school.  That being said, you shouldn’t prioritize your friends over a loving relationship with your husband.  Remember, your husband isn’t obligated to stay with you any more than a friend is.

If your husband won’t hang out with you, then that’s your problem, you can’t have a loving relationship with anybody unless the other living being participates.

As for the contractors, is your research actually laziness?  At some point you do have to make a decision.

I look at Google and Yelp ratings.  I’m not big on references, I have told my husband “I’ll get references so I know who not to use”.

Might your husband be overcompensating for what he percieves as your lack of inaction?

In any event, you do need to find people who can do the work you want, knowing that not all contractors will do everything. Dry wall is a speciality for example.  Doors are another speciality.

Do you and your husband have reasonable expectations?  The work needs to get done, but not all by the same person.

We have a good handyman, as well as a good plumber, dry wall and electrician.   The lighting you want done will probably require both an electrician and a dry wall person, or more correctly persons.

Also, and I’ll just say it, you do have the ability to plan a “walk with friends” on a saturday when most people with kids are not avaiable.  If you can do that, you can probably be more productive at home.

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