Reply to What are the most important and helpful things you did early in your divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Used a mediator and saved thousands.[/quote]

Interesting. I tried a mediator and it failed and I ended up paying double what I should have paid. Since then, I've never met anyone for whom a mediator worked. And I'm talking dozens of people.

The problem with mediation is that if it fails, you're back to ground zero and have to start from scratch.

I highly recommend getting a good attorney to represent you. A good attorney will get things done fast for sometimes less than a mediator, especially if you don't have a very contentious divorce.

Other helpful things: I agree with no contact. Also, I didn't date for several years but now I'm happily remarried. I'm glad I waited.

I went to the gym a lot, saw a therapist, got pretty thin and fit, made new friends with other moms who were newly divorced or still in the divorce process, kept in touch with old friends, and asked for help when I needed it. My family was incredible.

And I focused on my kids. Every bit of energy I had went into them. My heart was broken over them being part of a broken family, despite all my hopes and dreams for them to have a wonderful, easy childhood. They're both doing well now, but it still breaks my heart a bit.

I'm going to reiterate that mediators didn't work for anyone I know. I'm sure some mediator will come on here and dispute this, but tread carefully. A reputable lawyer can get you through this fast, as long as you and your STBX don't start acting crazy (which sadly does happen a lot during divorce).

Good luck!

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