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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How many kids do you have?

The SAHDs we know are great. My kids are in elementary though. One dad is very active in scouts. Another dad hosts play dates often and always willing to lend a hand with driving kids. The one dad who isn’t active with kids is a guy who is struggling with his career. I would consider him unemployed. We know another dad of 1 who hasn’t been able to find work for years. I think it is very different if the guy wants to stay home or if he can’t find work.

I’m a SAHM of 3 and I have a PT housekeeper/nanny. I feel insanely busy. I’m sure If I said I was a SAHM mom with help, people would think I don’t do any childcare. That just isn’t the case. When the nanny cooks and cleans, I am taking care of the children. When she watches the kids, I usually have something to do with another child. It is nice not to have to lug all 3 children every time one of my kids has an activity, event, sport or play date.[/quote]

First of all, you have part time help. That’s very different than a full time nanny. OP’s husband does not take the initiative on any of the extras that come with having a SAH spouse. OP is still handling, holidays, clothes shopping, birthday parties, play dates, etc. I know zero men with SAH wife’s who do this stuff. So, basically the husband isn’t covering the basics of childcare (nanny does that) AND he’s doing the nice to have stuff that makes life more pleasant with a SAH spouse.

He’s doing nothing.

I think OP needs to separate so he gets a dose of reality. Maybe he’ll step up if there’s a credible threat of divorce? Who knows? At a minimum she loses some deadweight.

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