Reply to Women in your 30s/40s: what do you look for in a friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Someone with a boat. [/quote]

We moved in our 40s and had to make new friends. I was (and still am!) looking for a variety of types of friends in our new city:

- Activity buddies. I love doing outdoor things - kayaking, walking, hiking, etc - which my husband isn't into. So I am looking for friends who'll want to go out hiking with me, or whatever. Especially if they are reliable, no drama, let's make plans and then do the thing without it being a lot of bother. I want to hike, I want some friends to hike with. Ideally these can be travel buddies too.

- Girlfriends. Heart to heart kinds of friends. I don't need a lot of those - but it's nice to have a couple in the mix, who you feel like you can open up to.

- Couples friends. In the before COVID time, one of my favorite things was meeting people at a restaurant for dinner. It's something my husband and I both like doing, and we were always looking for people who'd be fun to talk to for a couple of hours over a meal. Bonus points for adventurous eaters.

- Neighborhood pals. Like PP said, I like proximity. So it's nice having friends in the neighborhood who you run into, or can easily get together with or whatever.

- People you can count on. The one you can call if your spouse is out of town and you have a migraine and need someone to get you Tylenol. The person who'll watch your dog for you - and you'll do the same for them. The one who asks you to be the one who'll take charge of their social media accounts if they (gd forbid) die. The person who'll invite you over for holidays if you're away from family.

- Old friends. These are people you stay in touch with even when you don't live in the same place. People who you aren't just getting to know, but who you can call after not talking to for a year and pick up like you'd been on the phone that whole time. People who know the real you - not just the pretty face you put on in public.

There's overlap among these categories. But at a (thank gd) low drama point in life, in my 40s, I think this is more or less my taxonomy of what I look for in friends now.

And of course in COVID times everyone is just a text/phone/FB friend - though I am seeing some activity buddies for paddle boarding and walks, still.[/quote]

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