Reply to How to help spouse be less rigid/more flexible with our toddler?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would suggest some parenting books, articles, or classes. Your pediatrician maybe able to explain the brain development of the child so he can understand the reasons for her behavior. You could make a list of non-negotiable rules that you will be stand firm on, and then make another list of things not worth fighting about. You might talk about if he views her as being disobedient or disrespectful, and you can explain why that isn’t really what is happening. Right now, you are both laying the groundwork for her emotional development, and he probably doesn’t understand that. He sounds like he is trying, and you can try to talk about recurring situations, like bedtime, ahead of them, and plan how to respond to her. She will learn that you have different styles, and you should.[/quote]

+1. I was also a pretty rigid thinker coming into parenthood, OP, and it took a lot of work to change my mind and reactions, but it was so important that I did. Our house is so much calmer. [b]Listening to Janet Lansbury Unruffled podcasts[/b], especially, gave me a few "aha" moments about how undeveloped toddlers' emotional regulation is. I also worked on my behavior towards my DC in therapy and read lots of books. A PEP consult, which is just you and DH virtually meeting with a PEP trained consultant for 50 minutes, is only around $100 and you can send a list of problems to talk about ahead of time; you also get access to a video lesson on talking to kids that I found very helpful. Good luck![/quote]

Yes, listen to Janet! I also love @DrBeckyatHome on Instagram. And also, please do not make your kid eat all their food on their plate. There are a lot of reasons not to do this, so I'd recommend you follow Kids.Eat.in.Color (Insta or Blog) to find out how to handle (and pick) food battles. The basics are the parents choose when and what to serve, your kid picks if and how much to eat of everything served (with at least one food they usually like at each meal)/snack time). The IF is so important.

Finally, focus on giving choices in lots of areas of life so she gets to use her voice to impact the world around her. This is important for toddlers. So, for example, the pajama battle shouldn't be yes or no pajamas. But, "you have to wear pajamas to bed, that's non-negotiable, but which of these two would you like to wear today." You can also engage at least WHY she doesn't want to wear them. Is she hot? (hey, shorts are an option) Are they scratchy? (here are some super soft ones) Does she just not like pjs? (Here's some fun rainbow ones!). But sometimes toddlers are not reasonable, so this is not always fruitful. Then you just say "ok, you're allowed to be upset, but these are your choices."[/quote]

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