Reply to How do you get over being ostracized from a group?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]That sounds like a huge blow that would hurt anyone for years, and for years to come.

I know this will be unpopular advice, but if I were in your shoes, I would reply to the chain email, tell everyone how deeply hurt you were to read it to the point that you contemplated suicide, that you cherished their friendship and that you have moved on but you will never, ever forget their callous and hurtful behavior.

I would hit send and then forget about them. You will never really get over this, and it would be helpful to you and to them to let them have a bit of a souvenir of what they've done to another human being. (I usually advocate for taking the high road, but I think in this case hitting send on that email would be healing for you.)[/quote]

OP here. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to do something like this. This is probably the thing I fantasize about the most with regards to all of this. I wouldn't reply to that email chain (there was fallout after that as I had conversations with people in the group based on what I had seen and it just got worse and worse). But I've drafted an email like what you describe probably five times.

But something I talk with my therapist about a lot is that I need to separate my need for closure (a way to turn the page on this) from my need for the love/approval of the people in this group (which it is clear I'll never get). I LOVE the idea of finally being about to tell people, on my own terms, what happened and how it hurt me. But I am afraid that even if I told myself it was just for closure, some part of me would be hoping that people in the group would read it and totally change their minds about me. Or that people who never really disliked me but also never spoke up on my behalf might finally do so. Or that the people who did the worst things would suddenly be seen by the group for what they really are. No matter how much I tell myself that this is just about closure, I think it would be really hard not to also hope that an email like that could be persuasive, or damning.

And since my whole goal is to stop caring what those people think, so that I can stop feeling hurt by their rejection, I think communicating with them could potentially hurt more than it helps. What if people reply to my email? Or perhaps, what if no one replies? I don't want to go through that again. I need to find a way to move on without involving them.[/quote]

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