Reply to Oldest son has a lot of animosity towards middle son

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, based on the wording of your post it seems you think you are doing everything possible to mitigate the situation. But I would guess that there is a dynamic that has been set in place that the 16yo feels that the 14yo was initially loved more (babies need so much attention and a 2yo certainly is not going to understand that) and he felt pushed aside.

FWIW, my father and his brother have this dynamic. It astounds me that even to this day they avoid each other. Childhood playing out into perpetuity. I would also guess that my dad wasn't "easy" and then when younger brother came along their mother, one, knew how to parent a little more, and two, second son was in general easier, more laid back. Until the day my grandmother died it was clear she was much easier around my uncle.

I also believe that even if a parent is trying to be fair, the kids can see when it's just easier with one child over another. And that brews resentment in the non-easy kid.

Is there something that you could do with older son so he can have some quality one-on-one time? Maybe if you're doing something that isn't a sit down, rather something that he can focus on in front of you both, and you both doing it, that he can relax enough to talk. Hard during a pandemic, but maybe something. [/quote]

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