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[quote=Anonymous]I have a 30 year old who was a willful or "spirited" child.

Simple, every day things like "go get dressed" were not so simple.

The thing is, everything isn't negotiable.   He had to get dressed because we had to leave.  I couldn't be late for work because my 5 year old didn't want to get dressed.  After talking to someone at daycare, I took him in PJ's.  Once.  He wasn't allowed to do anything until he was dressed.  Not even say hi to friends.  He stopped refusing to get dressed after that.

He grew up still thinking at times that rules (laws) shouldn't apply to him.  That if he didn't want to do something at that point he shouldn't have to.  It cost him various jobs.  He ended up in legal trouble.  He's finally getting his head on straight.

There isn't always a choice to not do what needs to be done.

You don't want your food?  Ok.  Maybe you'll be hungry... but you will be ok.   But say "no thanks" instead of "NO!"  There is no need for a tantrum.

I also learned to not listen to the Grandparents.

We allowed ds to eat outside once, when we had a full house for a meal.  Ds didn't like crowds, he got panicky.  So he took his plate outside.  FIL just couldn't keep out of it.  I finally said "Not your kid... your opinion is not needed."

I understand both sides.  I encourage parents to have some non- nogotiables, and consequences for crappy behavior.   And yes, I know how much of a battle that can be.[/quote]

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