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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you all so so much for all of your recommendations. The poster whose mom is a martyr and values self-sacrifice - yep, that's mine too. Great idea for going the "keep dad safe" route instead of the "give you respite" route.

Just an update, since I'm not local I reached out to her church community (that's right, the one she volunteers so much time to) and asked them for help. Mom may hate me for it, but I'm doing what I need to do to keep dad safe. I'm not expecting a thank you from her anytime soon. ha ha[/quote]

NP. Hugs to all of you that are dealing with this. I had one grandmother with pretty early onset Alzheimer's so I have some memories, but not from the perspective as a child.

Can I ask one question, which may sound totally dumb, but is sincere - did any of you lay it on the line with your parent(s)? Our family is pretty direct. I can see me or my sibling just flay out saying that the situation has gone beyond what we and they can do as far as care and they have to look at other options. My parents are late 70's and we're not seeing any decline at this stage.[/quote]

Yes, I the care-giving parent had a temper tantrum at me and the ill parent refused to be evaluated. Once we finally got the diagnosis and it was clear help was needed, caregiving parent told me off again and I became the scapegoat. They had plenty of money to pay for services-more than plenty. It was exhausting and made me physical ill dealing with all the denial and tantrums all while the sibling who lived farther away played into the denial and did nothing while getting to be the Golden Child. It was a dangerous situation for a while, but things improved a lot with increasing help.[/quote]

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