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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you worried about something in particular or just because she doesn't want to share it with you? She may not share because [b] she's a 14 year old kid and may have said some negative things about you (perfectly normal).[/b]  Are you worried about legit dangerous issues or are you mostly being nosy?

That said, I have explained to my kids there is no right to privacy until they are grown. I don't feel much need to snoop, but if I felt i needed to, then I would.[/quote]

My young teen and I have an agreement that while I'll spot-check her texts (no social media yet, no apps can be installed without my approval, private browsing disabled on phone), unless I run across something dangerous or seriously concerning, I'll pretend I never saw anything. So I don't say anything about cursing, or if she vents about family stuff (although I did caution her that a relative's mental health issues were up to them to share, not us—not shameful, but not her story to tell). I do sometimes mentally file stuff away to help me be more sensitive to what she's dealing with, but I don't say anything.

But I did warn her that some of the stuff her friends were chatting about in the group texts were borderline inappropriate, and she should probably let them know her parents dropped in on the thread occasionally. I know at least one friend dropped out because her parents monitored and she was afraid they might get mad about some of the memes and videos being shared, so I know we're not the only parents who do this. I noticed that my DD never participates in or reacts to any of that, so she's either censoring herself because she knows I might read it, or she's really not comfortable with that stuff. Either way, she's at least getting in the habit of keeping her online conversations to things that won't come back to bite her in the butt later.

I figure if they were talking in person they'd be having similar conversations, and at least this way I have some idea of what's going around in her circles. I may not love some of the stuff they talk about (nothing terrible, they're just too young to be throwing around such casual, joking references to sexual stuff, IMO), but at least I know her friends are supportive of each other and her online life isn't causing her any undue drama or stress.

But there's no way in hell I'd let her have unlimited access to anyone and anything out there online without adult oversight. There are too many people ready to exploit vulnerable kids, in so many ways. And all 14yo girls are vulnerable in some way, whether it's something like self-esteem issues or a need for approval, or just simple naiveté.[/quote]

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