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[quote=Anonymous]I have the same “problem”. I am reasonably attractive but I also came to realize that for American standards I am more flirty/ I give mixed signals.

In my case it was a cultural thing, I am French. I don’t dress provocatively but I look at men in the eyes, I make jokes, I make comments (I could have made your eyeglass comment very innocently), I add a little touch of personal in my professional conversations, like : I will remember that Bob mentioned a ski diving WE 3 months ago, and as part of a joke/metaphor on whatever random risky work question we are discussing I may fit in a “well, that would be a perfect task for Bob, he is our jumping from 3000 feet with a smile type of guy”. And I will probably add what I think is a warm innocent smile and what other may read as a very flirty “I just paid you a compliment and now I am winking at you”.

I really think I do the same with women but people don’t see it. They however notice when I do it to men. I am more cautious now, but I am also more at peace with it (I used to be horrified that people thought I was flirting, and I didn’t know what to change). I actually stopped hiding my French accent, I regularly say I am French and flag when I feel I don’t have the proper cultural code, I hope it helps people see I interact differently and I mean well even if I can be clumsy.

Anyway, back to you: I suspect that because you are a lesbian you are not paying as much attention to men’s signals, you are more free and less guarded, I suspect that like me you give too much of those friendly vibes. Even though you are American, you have in a way a cultural clash too 😄.

You have 2 options: become more guarded, study others, analyze what you can change in your comportement etc.. or live with it and just graciously deal with the consequences when they arise. I vote for option 2, you are not a flirt, you are doing nothing wrong, you are friendly and warm and that’s great. If you police yourself you risk becoming unhappy and coming across as weirdly guarded because it won’t be your natural disposition.

Just embrace it, there are worse things than having to deal with mixed signals once in a while. And I think everyone is happier. Noone is getting their heart broken by that level of potential misunderstandings [/quote]

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