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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have attended 2 funerals during the pandemic.  One live-streamed from the church, where 10 people were actually present (felt cold/sterile, even as close family member).  The other was done as a Zoom from the church, with grandchildren participating from far playing pre-recorded music/singing and some live.  It was warm, friendly, and absolutely beautiful service for this grandmother  [/quote]

Bet these folks wished they had gone the sterile route:

https://www.kansascity.com/news/nation-world/national/article244795077.html

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/a-funeral-sparked-a-covid-19-outbreak--and-led-to-many-more-funerals/2020/04/03/546fa0cc-74e6-11ea-87da-77a8136c1a6d_story.html

https://www.wxii12.com/article/chatham-county-covid-19-exposure-funeral-memorial-service-coronavirus/33513176

I could keep going, sadly.[/quote]

OP, new poster here. Please do not go. Like the cases above, many people feel they MUST go to a funeral. It's absolutely a huge rite of passage in our culture but it is time now to let that go and realize: Funerals are for the living; the dead don't know; and most of all, any family members who would hold this against you sadly are people who would find any reason to be offended.

Look too at the PPs above talking about hugging at funerals. Someone will "forget" or be so overcome (understandably) that they reach out and hug someone without thinking. I refer you back to the links above for how that can turn out, even with masks etc.

My friend went to the burial outdoor portion of a funeral, stayed masked and stood far from everyone else. She arrived just in time to stand way back, and left immediately. She said the relatives - all elderly-- were mostly masked and hugs started going around as the event ended. She was so upset to see these elderly relatives, most of whom are vulnerable, hugging. It IS going to happen.

As PP says, send whatever helps the family most (fruit and food basket, maybe send groceries or prepared delivered food with their OK etc.). But stick to you gut feeling and say clearly and kindly, "I'm so sorry. We've been staying very distanced. We have reason for [family member in your household] to stay isolated. I won't be attending the funeral."

Be aware -- if these relatives are flying and driving to within an hour of you, they likely will start to ask, "Can't you at least come for a short time?" (No.) "Can't you meet just a FEW of us at a restaurant? We haven't seen you in so long." (Sorry, we're not eating out right now.) "But grandma/auntie hasn't seen your kids in SO LONG!" (I know! We hope to see you soon. I'll send some photos.) Be prepared for pressure like that if they feel they are "just fine and it's nothing but a flu bug" and "you are being excessive/scared/hysterical/buying the 'fake news'" and so on.

My sibling died unexpectedly earlier in the summer. Fortunately sibling's spouse decided right away not to have a funeral (sibling didn't want one) but is doing an event in October. I was so relieved because I could not have justified -- even though this was [i]my sibling[/i] -- taking my spouse there, who had just had an operation, or my college age DC. I also have avoided going to visit sib-in-law because they are in a high-covid area and I know this dear person would want to hug and hug. It feels awful but it's my choice and I'm sticking to it. I can't risk my health, my spouse's and our kid's. Come October, we may or may not go -- I really want to go to the event but if things are still suckingly bad in that state, I may have to say no again. [/quote]

I'm the poster who posted the links, and who also suggested to send a food basket. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Thank you for your sacrifices to keep others safe. I am so very sorry for your loss.[/quote]

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