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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ignore, keep your distance, do not engage, do not discuss her with anyone. Make believe she does not exist. No contact. If you do see her, be polite and move on. Refuse to listen to any family stories about her.  Eventually she will not even be on your radar scree.  Lived through years of abuse from sister; then, I did all of above and it was done.  I am so happy now. I did not deserve this treatment and waited too long to take care of me![/quote]

Not op, but it is refreshing to hear this all worked for you and you are happy now!

OP, I already posted, but I did want to say you are lucky she has screwed other people so they get it. In my case, she mostly targets me. She did alienate herself from some cousins who were kind to her and her ex knows the full extent of her crazy and abusive side. Otherwise most family just pity her, see her as maybe a little difficult, but well meaning, lonely and innocent. So that makes me the mean one for detaching. "Can't you just be more tolerant of your sister????" My tactic has been to be polite and stay calm when she tries to push buttons. I will no longer discuss her with others because anything she has done over the years is minimized and excused as "buuuuut she's your sister." Also, there is the fear if I peace out, who will help her when needed. She is estranged from her ex. Her relationship with her kids is strained. She does not have close friends. She is quite successful, but that can't buy you people to be there for emergencies. She has health issues and does nothing about it, so at some point there will be a health emergency and the shit will hit the fan. I have already been there for our parents, my spouse had health issues, one child had medical issues and I am there for close friends. I will not be flying out to help an abuser, but you better believe my phone will ring off the hook will messages of guilt and cruelty for not jumping. [/quote]

OP here - glad to hear it can work out, too.  I honestly don't miss having her in my life.  I must admit there is definitely a feeling of absence but as time goes on, what is so enlightening to me is that the "absence" is not of her - it is the absence of her drama, her nastiness and manipulative intentions.

In cases like this, absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes it grow healthier and stronger![/quote]

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