Reply to I’m married and I have developed feelings for a friend

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I proposed therapy because each time I would bring up my feelings about being disconnected or other issues, he would be very surprised and say that he has felt everything is fine and even that things are going well. So I thought therapy might help us communicate better about these things and understand we we had such different assessment of our relationship. Can therapy not be good for that? I don’t expect it to solve all our problems but at the very least, one of us thinks there are problems and one does not which makes it hard to make any changes/progress.

I think it is easier said than done to “just” do those things together. For instance he goes to bed b[b]y 9 — our kids barely go to bed by then. After putting them to bed there are often other things to do around the house to get settled for the night. Since COVID that has been catching up on work that I can’t get done when the kids are here during the day. He spends a great deal of time watching tv on his own — for example watches when he eats and his schedule is odd because of whatever nutrition and fitness plans he is on. eg he eats dinner at 3p. 
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I have considered individual therapy and did some TalkSpace for a couple months at a point during homeschooling and quarantine that I felt very overwhelmed. This week I started a search for a therapist to begin seeing in person because I agree, I think that couldn’t hurt. At the least it will give me a place to talk about these things.

And PP you have the timeline incorrect but I’m not sure it would change your interpretation of the situation anyway so that’s fine. [/quote]

Excuses. Sometimes we first have to be the change we want to see.  Chores can wait. Work can wait. You were the one who brought up watching TV with him, go sit with him one of those times.  Msybe strt by finding out what nutrition plan is.

Therapy can work, but you have to be able to work, not throw up walls and excuses.

The timeline pp used might be wrong, but they are absolutely correct that the idealization of your crush as making things worse with your husband.

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