Reply to Indoor Wedding for 150 People?! Give me a break!

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Reply to "Indoor Wedding for 150 People?! Give me a break!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]An invitation is not a summons.

They are not "exposing" anyone. They are holding a legal event and are informing everyone of the circumstances.

Guests are then welcome to make their own choices.

As long as they are gracious when people send regrets, there is no issue here.

Repeat after me, again, some more: An invitation is not a summons.[/quote]

An invitation is an [i]expectation[/i] and they well know it.[/quote]

Maybe in your world. In my world, it is not.

I recently declined the very small group backyard change-of-plans wedding for a close friend and colleague. I sent a gift, and then my regrets. I followed up with a heartfelt email. Both the bride and groom immediately wrote back, said they more than understand, and want to know how much my family's support means to them. When the gift arrived, they sent a lovely thank you card. They know I am eagerly awaiting photos from the day, and they promised to send. It was a nice exchange.

I also recently declined a wedding invite for my cousin who is getting married in a state with very low rates. They are taking lots of precautions, but we would have had to travel. Similar deal--my cousin called and said of course, we know not everyone can make it, we totally understand. I sent a gift, and got a lovely thank you card. Again, promises to send photos. 100% understanding, well-wishing, and grace on both sides.

[b]In my world, we do our best, we extend grace, we make the best choices for ourselves and our family. And we all know it.[/b] [/quote]

This really struck me. I've responded to so many posts about difficult families, primarily based on my own difficult family. People who don't have difficult families, or who have found ways to ignore them, don't understand how challenging it can be. You WANT to get along. You WANT to have family, community, etc. I am digressing, but the point being that this highlighted portion struck me because that is the heart of the problem with my family. [b]No one extends grace. [/b] I love that phrase and wish that it could be instill in my own family.[/quote]

I'm sure that is all difficult, and valid, and true to your experience. But you have a rather myopic way of looking at the world when you make statements like "An invitation is an EXPECTATION, and they all know it," as if that is a universal truth.

You have agency in your life, regardless of your family expectations or dynamics. You have control. If they don't like it, let them grumble. Their disappointment or bitchery can only affect you if you let it. When people are unreasonable about my reasonable choices, I choose not to care. Their feelings are not my problem. It is not my job to make anyone happy or satisfied or comfortable, other than myself and my husband and children. Point blank period.

"Give me a break!" your subject line says. You've already been given a break: that little "regrets" box on the reply card. Use it.

And if you CHOOSE to cave to their expectations, then stop whining about it, right now. Own your choices. [/quote]

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