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[quote=Anonymous]Totally her right not to tell you about IVF. I am grateful that I've never had any fertility issues (knock on wood) and can't imagine how painful and scary it would be to go through IVF. I would stop talking about your family with your in-laws unless you want everything out there. I am learning this with my in-laws/family. My MIL constantly talks about everyone (my nephew is a genius but couldn't get into any private schools to save his life, my SIL made her kid anorexic, she can tell my other SIL's kid is autistic, my nanny hates us, everyone is compared endlessly to no end, etc.) I'm realizing it only ends when you stop talking. I tried sharing at one point, because I drank the Brenee Brown cool aid and thought that sharing and being vulnerable was part of building relationships - I learned that this was not the case in my husband's family.

Your sister in law also sounds like she can be a drama queen/makes everything about her (most of us have a SIL like this!). I am realizing that sometimes that is the result of family roles never changing. Maybe SIL was the baby, so even though she's 32 she still acts like she's 4 and everyone treats her like she's 4 (my husband's parents bought my 29 year old SIL a car when she had been married a few years to a guy with a trust fund and they owned a house to celebrate her completing a grad program that they had paid for... when my husband asked about this - bc he'd never been gifted a car - his father told my husband that he still considered the SIL "a dependent"?! Maybe this will change when she's in her 50s, but my guess is probably not). These dynamics don't make sense to make to me, but I am realizing that I can't change them. I can be annoyed by them, they can trigger me bc of my own family dynamics, but I really can't change 30+ years of family dysfunction. That said, I would still try to avoid triangulation as much as possible (bc it can get exhausting quickly) by having your husband tell his parents that his sister should speak with him directly about scheduling, etc. [/quote]

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