Reply to Signs of impending death in an elderly loved one.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Decreased eating, weakness, labored breathing.[/quote]

This. Breathing was very strange and scary. Colder to the touch. Lots of sleeping. Hospice spoke with us  a lot including a social worker.[/quote]

This.  Labored breathing, poor circulation.  Having a few days of that, then one good day where you think they might pull through, then two more bad days, then gone.

A deep turning inwards, sleeping deeply and hard or impossible to wake them up.  Focused on the journey ahead, detatched from the present.

[b]Slipping away peacefully if they are left alone for a short time, or in the night.  I think some people need solitude[/b].[/quote]

[/quote]

This is such an important point. I read a lot about death toward the end and there seems to be the common lore that you are supposed to hold vigil by their bedside until the end. Many experts say that is often more for YOU than for them. So many people finally pass when given peace to be on their own. They even found among those families where they were determined to have someone their 24-7 and they took turns for hours on end, it wasn't until someone left for the bathroom or got a drink of water, the person passed. In fact, sometimes when the holding vigil goes on for weeks on end, a kind medical professional will suggest you give the loved one a break for an hour so if they are ready, they can pass and sure enough they do.

I think it's good to do final visits and if it helps you spiritually to be there for the last breath than so be it, but what is wrong is the families that guilt trip people into being there for 8 hour stretches when in reality you may be making the loved one uncomfortable. This whole "nobody should die alone" should really mean, try to visit and say your goodbyes, show you love and let them be at peace with letting go. It does not mean drop everything and be there every second. If you were fully living and not about to pass would you want your family there every second of every day with no break?[/quote]

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