Reply to Resentment and care for the elderly in-law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]ILs, DH's aunt and we are neighbors.  They all live independently and I am the person who oversees some of things that makes life easier for them. BIL and cousin and their families chip in in other ways. It was easier prior to COVID because we had outside help.  With COVID, there has been no additional manpower so some of the things have been put on the backburner.   I want to do everything that I can so that the three elderly people can be independent and well looked after. If one of them falls sick it is going to have a major negative  ripple effect on a lot of lives.   I am guarding them against COVID, and at the same time doing things so that they are not declining in spirit.  It is hard but it is what we have to do.  [/quote]

You did not mention if you are getting paid for this. More and more families are now paying a family member to take on this responsibility and that is a different story because there are boundaries with payment. Some families expect one member to do the lion's share for free because it's family. Sometimes the people who cannot be there send money to compensate the family member who does most of the work. I knew someone paid quite well by her family who played the martyr and saint without mentioning her family pays her more than the going rate and she had the option of using that money to hire someone.[/quote]

I know several families where filial piety is expected and the siblings work out the amount to send to the person who has the job. Sometimes they alternate and then pay who ever takes the job next. If the parents are wealthy they either pay upfront or make it clear in the will a larger percentage goes to caregiver.[/quote]

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