Reply to Resentment and care for the elderly in-law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to take care of elderly relatives. Period. Otherwise what is the point of you having a family yourself?

Maybe you can move the relative in with you for now, and everyone can help.[/quote]

Hiring help IS taking care of the elderly person. OP I do NOT recommend moving her in under any circumstances unless you had an amazing relationship. I have seen first hand this eat away at marriages and the health of the caregiver.

You don't have children to eat them alive. Your children don't owe you to be your slave. They just need to arrange proper care with the money you saved and check on you.

I have known a few people from cultures where you are guilt tripped into moving the parent it never ended up well.[/quote]

I grew up in an Asian community where filial piety means taking care of your parents in old age. A teacher asked me what I planned to do for mine and my answer was 'I'll hire a maid". That is how many old people can age in place in Asian countries. You think the middle-class adult children in India are wiping their own parents' asses? They can outsource that. [b]Some people I know are moving their parents back to their home countries because it's cheaper to find household help to provide eldercare.[/b] [/quote]

It's not just cheaper, you don't get the 2am call with an emergency where they need you to come over if they are in another country. You don't have to drive them to doctor's appointments because they don't trust the person you hired.

Having them MOVE in with you is a whole other can of beans. You have family members thinking they are doing YOU a favor by staying with YOU and trying to use you as a hotel and they have the gall to be offended if you ask them not to when you are there for the elderly parent. It is hard to set boundaries on your marriage. it is just a nightmare if the elderly person has boundary issues.[/quote]

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