Reply to How to relate to SIL who shows no unhappy emotions ever?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here! Thanks for the responses.
My sense is it's a defense mechanism, and it makes it really hard to talk about anything with her when she immediately shifts gears into something superficial; I guess I feel I can't be myself and have to always be "up" as well, or else she completely cannot relate. It's like she can't talk about anything uncomfortable (except that one time). She also posts on Instagram daily about inspirational quotes and sayings. As I said, it doesn't really affect me (except she is also our neighbor, so...we interact a lot); but it would help to understand a bit because sometimes I feel frustrated like she's putting on a show and I don't feel we can really talk. Like if I am having a bad day or something and cry in front of her, I feel like an alien.[/quote]

It sounds like you and she need to find something you can have or do in common (if, that is, you want some kind of relationship with her) that lets you focus on that activity or interest and not on what is going on emotionally in your life or hers. The focus stays outward, on that activity, not inward on your bad day or her shifting gears.

You don't have to be "up" with her to match her mood at all times but it sounds as if you might want her to be more emotionally supportive and she's just not wired for that. I'd find whatever it is you and she CAN share (probably an activity like a class you take together or a project you take on together for the school/your homes/etc.--something hands-on, not a talky/emotional thing). Then when you have a bad day you are seeing her in order to pursue that activity and distract yourself, not to lean on her shoulder during that time.

That all assumes you want to spend time with her, of course. Focus up on your friends who are cry-on-their-shoulder friends and let her be your upbeat-go-getter activity friend. The two aren't always mutually exclusive but in her case, it sounds like they are. You seem to crave the chance to "really talk" with her but I'd put that energy into other friends with whom you can do just that.

Stop looking at her Instagram if the quotes etc. get to you, by the way. If she notices, just say you're reducing your social media use overall etc. Social media are terrible for giving us too much exposure to what we think are other people's "thoughts." [/quote]

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