Reply to Why are people attracted to mean/toxic people, especially if they have a lot of options?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This definitely is not just a woman thing. It goes both ways. The last man I dated was exceptionally charismatic and very handsome, and just fun. His recent ex, however, was almost 25 years younger than him, a former beauty queen, and apparently had a tendency towards violent anger (throwing things, ripping things off walls, yelling a lot). He ended it...but also cannot cut the cord with her and clearly cannot get over her. Considered trying to work it out with her while he was seeing me. Taylor Swift didn't say boys only want love it its torture for no reason.

I've also done this. I think that, after a lot of therapy, I've come to terms with the fact that for me, having a good looking, charismatic man "choose me" gave me some validation I wasn't able to give myself. I've struggled with a lot of insecurity and self-worth issues when it comes to dating, and so I think part of the pull to these guys was just some weird need to feel "chosen." Effed up, and I think I've worked past it, but that is the best reason I can figure out. That and for better or worse, I can get dates with good looking men and [b]I love people with bigger personalities. [/b]This usually doesn't end up being a great combo in a man as far as him being really decent is concerned...[/quote]

I wanted to say that I hope you find a great person to spend your time with, I like how frank and self aware you are and I especially thank you for the bolded section of your post.  I think mean and toxic people often do have bigger personalities and it certainly can be a lure.[/quote]

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