Reply to Why are people attracted to mean/toxic people, especially if they have a lot of options?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A friend is married to a woman who appears (from my vantage point) to be toxic.  She's very controlling, is often bubbling over with anger, spends a lot of time verbally tearing others down, etc.  He has said he's not happy and he knows she is not a happy person.  I never understood why he stayed.  In conversation it came out that he is the adult child of a very abusive alcoholic.  A (very sad) light bulb went off.  His understanding of love and relationships was colored by what he saw growing up.  In short, he doesn't know anything different.  [/quote]

Same thing with the mean mom in the neighborhood - other moms, however few, talk (well, gossip on the phone) with her because they know how she will treat them if she is not honored/worshipped/call if what you want.  IRL, they can't stand the mean mom, but they keep it up to stay on her good side, because they know she is toxic, inside and out. Example: they laugh at her jokes louder, etc.  It is kind of sad, but they do it to get by, because mean mom has a short fuse and a long list of people she hates - but tells other people "don't hang out with her, she hates everyone!" Hilarious, yet sad. [/quote]

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