Reply to VENT WARNING. Non-working parent not carrying their weight in quarantine

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pre-COVID my H had surgery and was out of work for 6 months (paid thank god).

Pre-surgery I pretty much did everything except clean dishes and his laundry.

After surgery we had "the talk"... he needed to step up to the plate.

1. Cook: (only 4 days a week, because I love to cook) But here is the thing. You either allow them to do it or you don't. You don't Monday morning quarterback the whole thing. You trust and let them learn and fail and learn and eventually do it right. You can't expect them to do it "your way". I had multiple dinners that was just meat because .. oh I didn't plan sides.

2. Grocery shopping: Sure make a list of what you want, but again. No back seat driving. They are going to "screw" it up... aka ... not do it like you. Either you let them or don't complain.

3. School work: Again... put all zoom meeting on a calendar... well maybe if that works for him but NO he is not doing it YOUR way. If you want him to take responsibility, he will not do it your way and he may not even do it "as good as you".

4. Cleaning: Let's just face it clean to 1 person is not clean to another. Clean to 1 person is OCD/psycho woman to another. If you want them to clean you also have to live with their definition of clean.

While I know you all want help I'm not sure you are ready to "let go" of all the control. You can't have it both ways... have him do it and tell him how to do it.

Be thankful there is no "calendar" right now... I showed up in PA for a tournament on Saturday when it was sunday and I went to a birthday party at the wrong time... and I could go on and on about the calendar... but I did not complain... I said "that's okay ... it's hard, I should have double checked" because quite frankly I think he should double check too when I make a calendar. Besides they change things on Friday, who knew soccer schedules change. [/quote]

I am not oP but some of this is such great advice. Letting the other person handle and do things their own way, even if they fail and or are not “as good” as the way we do it, it’s so incredibly hard. However, it is so important to do. I would say that I have a very good relationship with my husband and we work as equal as we can given our work lives etc. but I completely struggle with letting him cook his way. And he has told me before that I’m hovering and watching. I have to leave the room and do something else because what I do is quarterback what he’s doing and it’s not good. So your advice is a very good reminder. [/quote]

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