Reply to What did you do first time caught teen with weed or weed paraphernalia?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did not have to deal with this, luckily, but if I did, I would come down like a ton of bricks. I would say that the trust is broken, kid can’t be trusted, and I’d monitor everything. I’d search their room and read every text and take away car keys.

It’s just not okay. And I’d start laying all that out at age 11 or 12 and keep bringing it up now and then. The possible consequences are so severe, [/quote]

Agree, not ok. 
We tried this approach, 3 years ago, with my son. Nothing worked--took the phone, denied access to the car, basically had a police state in the house. Which was awful for everyone. He kept doing it. Sometimes I was calm, sometimes I was screaming. Nothing got through to him. The bottom line was that he wanted to make recreational marijuana use a priority. Long story short, he is now 19 and I think it's still something he enjoys regularly. He doesn't live with us. He has a job, and we're paying tuition for part time classes. We have basically agreed to disagree on the pot issue, but we get along fine. He still has a lot of growing up to do, and I still don't entirely trust him...[/quote

If he has money for pot he can pay his own tuition.[/quote]

Sure, we could take that approach but it seems unnecessarily nasty and spiteful. I'm not trying to make him resent me for totally refusing to help him out, just because I disagree with his substance use. Taking college classes is an activity that we support, and I hope it will eventually help him get set up to be a productive adult. I don't even know for sure that he uses now; I'm assuming it. If I told him that continuing to pay for his classes is contingent on him not using pot, how on earth would I enforce that? He can still lie to me, and I really don't want to set up our relationship to further damage the trust. It would also be hypocritical, as I was certainly smoking pot while I was in college at my parents' expense. Moreover, it would be pretty hard for me to sort out which of his tuition money is actually ours, and what was gifts from grandparents, which we forced him to put into the college account. [/quote]

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