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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a woman dealing with the same thing as OP.   After 8 years, I found an AP.  It's strictly about sex and it makes life so much better.  I just tried everything I could think of and my DH is just so rarely interested - like 3x a year - and even then it lasts only minutes, I just gave up trying to understand.  I love having an AP, and I only feel a tiny bit guilty.[/quote]

Man here in same situation.  I had an AP who was also in your situation.  She was amazing but got very attached and frankly quite needy and sometimes jealous of the time I spent with my wife.  So we eventually broke it off which sucked and I am back to sexless land and lonely.  Are you able to keep emotions in check?[/quote]

OP here.  Yes, I'm able to keep my emotions in check.  I had FWB long ago (way before meeting DH) and it was actually the guys who got attached and emotional.  I REALLY don't want to cheat though.  Is that really the only solution? Ugh.[/quote]

PP here, I empathize.  When I called it off, I vowed to not cheat again, too messy, chance of people getting hurt, not fair to my wife, despite her total lack of libido and willingness to compromise, etc. etc.  And yet, it's been almost a year since I called it off, really made an effort to focus on my marriage, and sex less that 6 times and none in months.

While I am sure there are situations that libido is transient (after babies, illness, unusual stress), otherwise no, there is no return and it gets worse over time.  The options are be miserable, cheat or divorce.  With kids, option 3 isn't so easy.

Virtual hug, platonic of course  :wink: [/quote]

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