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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d just wait it out until she leaves for college.  If marriage is your intention then get married the year after she goes to college. Why the rush?  As for family time on your boyfriend’s custody time, give up on that and invite your BF to spend time with your kids at your house when he doesn’t have custody.

Do you have 50% custody?  My friend lives with her 2nd husband and her kids when she has custody in an Apt in the City. When it’s her DH’s custody time with the kids then he lives with his kids (not her or her kids) in a house in the burbs near his Ex-wife.  Maybe something like that would work for you if you.

My gut instinct is the DD is immature, doesn’t think your good enough for her Dad (she has taken on sort of the hostess/wife role in his house) and resents you for trying to ruin that and/or thinks she’ll become the built in babysitter for your kids if you have “family” time.  Does DD cook? Do the laundry? Or otherwise has taken on hostess duties at her Dad’s house?[/quote]

I don't have 50/50 custody.  Neither does my BF. He has 70% with quite a bit of the remainder time being filled with his children in and out of his house. So we both have our hands full and seeing each 2X a month (for our free weekends) is getting difficult.   I think you are correct that she's immature and my BF says I've taken too much of a quiet role in all of this--because I don't engage her at all.  I do that so that she doesn't feel the need to converse with me (when it's clear she doesn't want to) but I am starting to rethink this. I don't believe she has the social skills or maturity to engage me. I need to engage her. I'm just so afraid of the rudeness. And i so rarely see her because she's quick to take off.  Her mom says she's stubborn and loyal but to give her time. She suggests that the less attention is given to this issue, the more likely she'll come around.  I guess that's true but my BF does feel the need to correct very rude behavior. Should he just let it slide?

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OP--to clarify, I am very courteous to her by greeting her etc but I dont sit next to her and ask her about her day etc. If and when she's chosen to participate in the conversation, I eagerly engage but I dont pester her.  Again, she's rarely there--most often hiding but quickly coming down to eat and then run.[/quote]

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