Reply to guidance and tips for w staying w spouse after finding out about series of EAs and PAs

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[quote=Anonymous]Look, you experienced a huge trauma and shellshock and its natural in some way to not want anymore change. There's a tendency for 'hysterical bonding' to try to repair the damage, but you are just sweeping it under the rug.  There's a tendency for the spouse who has been cheating to swear to do everythign to repair the marriage because they dont want to deal with shame, guilt or other fallout, but that's also a knee jerk reaction. They can't actually commit to that because they dont even know if they are capable. They can only commit to radical honesty as a first step.

You cannot get past this by staying intimate and you need to have your own therapist, plus spouse does as well.  You also need radical honesty and transparency and I dont think you're getting it. You might benefit from chumplady or from the website surviving infidelity to understand your reactions.

But right now, you are married to a serial cheater and liar and its really not about you. There's nothing you can or can't do to change that person's behavior. You didnt cause the affairs and you wont be the reason for ending them, either (i mean, its possible in an abstract way but what you *do* and *say* right now is not going to keep the person in the marriage). but you do have control over yourself and your actions. [/quote]

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