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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- I can see why your DH a felt attacked and blamed for all of the problems in the marriage based on your arm chair degree diagnosis  so he flipped it around and started attacking you. When is the last time you told him what you appreciate about him or that he makes you so happy? As for the domestic  responsibilities, I don’t know a DH I would want to be married to that does close to half.  I am attracted to Alpha males and knew my DH was not going to take on a lot of domestic chores. When my kids were little I outsourced or hired help so I wasn’t resentful and everyone was happy.  Perhaps focus on the things you admire or attracted you to your DH...play on his strengths.[/quote]
I, too, understand why he felt attacked. I often tell him I admire his hard work for us as a family. But I also tell him that I am overburdened. Both things can be true.

How far does appreciation go? Am I supposed to say "thank you" after every time he takes out the garbage? It's not as though he has ever thanked me for picking up the kids, taking them to birthdays and play dates, doing their homework with them, picking up dog poop, taking people to medical appointments, etc...

To me it feels like he sets it up so that I am always having to thank him concretely -- he doesn't initiate much work/childcare without me asking him, and if I ask him to do something it feels like a favor, and therefore it deserves a thank you. Meanwhile I do pretty much everything without being asked and rarely get a thank you because I am the default and those are the expectations set for me by our dynamic. [/quote]

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