Reply to Stepmother Struggles w/Feeling No Love For Stepchildren

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Reply to "Stepmother Struggles w/Feeling No Love For Stepchildren"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My stepkids' mother alienated them against their father.  She did this so she could be the sole parent and her man-of-the-year could play daddy.

My DH has a very estranged relationship with them.  It is impossible for any stepparent to have a better relationship with the kids than the bio parent has.

I knew they would never warm up to me so I disengaged and try to avoid their company, so their father can have the precious few scraps thrown his way.  If I ever see them I am cordial but that's it.   [/quote]

+2, but it has nothing to do with me as ex and kids are horrible to DH except when they want something.  When I've seen them, they are cordial and so am I but I don't love or have any feelings.   If the situation were different, I'd care for them but I doubt I'd love them given I didn't raise them or have that opportunity bond. Its very different if you see kids a few times a year vs. raising them.  When they were young, I always did for them including buying what they needed but I did it for my husband, if anything to make his life easier.[/quote]

+3.

PP here and our situation is similar, with the exception that the kids are still teens and we have 50/50. I came into the picture too late to have any effect on raising them - and DH had enough challenges with their mother when he was married to her, so unfortunately his stamp fell short. They are who she is - and it is a very sad situation. I have compassion for them, I do what I can to make DH's life easier, but I feel no love for them. [/quote]

NP here.  Out of curiosity, what is your DH’s perspective on the kids?  Sounds like you are disappointed on how the kids turned out.  Is that the husband’s perspective as well?[/quote]

PP here.

Let me preface this by saying that I have been on this board long enough to recognize that parenting is difficult, and even the best laid plans can have unintended results. In other words, even if you do what you think is best, kids are ultimately their own person.

Yes, I would be disappointed if these kids keep on the trajectory they are on. Maybe they will change - see that some of the habits they are cultivating aren't in their best interest long term. But their dad and I can't MAKE them see that. They have to learn their own lessons.

As for their Dad - is he disappointed? I think, yes, to some extent - but it stems from him being disappointed that they mostly gravitated towards/took on their mom's habits and personalities, with very little of his. He continues to model what he thinks is best, hold them accountable as best he can, show them that he loves them - and hopes that, at some point in the future, they will mature into better versions of themselves.

[/quote]

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